GTA 5 Epsilonism Promo Trailer

GTA V EpsilonismRockstar Games has posted a new teaser trailer for Grand Theft Auto V, this one lays out the 12 goals of the  fictional in-game religion of Epsilonism.

The video features a time laps shot of the ocean and a an eerie song that feels like it would fit well on any Scientology promo DVD(not that I’ve had the pleasure of seeing one or anything). A few of the stand out quotes from the video are:

“We are making an Assault on happiness”

“Sperm does not exist – it is a lie spread by biology teachers – along with everything else you have ever been told.”

“Everyone is related to everyone else, except for people with red hair.”

And, of course,  like any cult, they make the standard move for your wallet.

“If you believe this and turn your hands and wallet over to Epsilonism, you’ll have a happy life. Otherwise you are doomed.”

Watch the trailer below.